3 months later UPDATE!

Where to start??
I just read my last two blogs posts which I regret because I am now sitting here blubbering and sniffling like a fool. Man, I miss BG. Its been a long, slow process of working through all the emotions of being back in the US. I guess I will just start from the beginning of when I got home and show what my last 3 months have been like. I will warn you this post might be a little random and all over the place.

I got home a day later than planned with my dad because we got stuck in DC in a snow storm. Thankfully, my dad is super smart and figured out the train would get us home faster than the next flight out would. Sooooo through a series of stressful and "are you kidding me?" type events, we made it home! My sister from college came home and my siblings skipped school to wait for me. So sweet! Though I was sad I wasn't going to be able to see everyone in the airport, looking back I realize now that it was a blessing. I was able to spend some quality time with my family and catch up with them before I saw everyone else.

The first couple weeks were like a dream. I don't really remember much of it. I will say that the first couple weeks I pretty much blocked out thinking about Lesotho, BG, or even the kids. My heart would just ache every time I was reminded of them for even a second, so my instinct was to block it out all together. I knew I would eventually have to go through pictures and talk about my experience because I had multiple presentations coming up. Going through my pictures and journals was a very emotional experience that I just had to buckle down and get over with. It was just pained me so greatly to have to look at 2D pictures of children that I loved so much and were a part of my life for so long and knowing I probably won't see a lot of them again. I can't explain it, it just hurt. I grew a lot through that process. I learned to take time out to pray for the kids instead of feeling sad that they are no longer a part of my life.

 As all this was happening I was trying to figure out my place at home again. When I was in Lesotho, I felt like I was taking great strides towards becoming the woman God created me to be, and I was so excited about it. Then, when I got home I felt like I quickly jumped back into my old self because it seemed everyone expected me to be my old self. It was confusing because on the inside I didn't feel like my old self. I kind of felt trapped. Does that make any sense at all??? Probably not, oh well. Bear with me.

.At the beginning of April I started a  new job at an assisted living nursing home.  My mom also works there. I absolutely love my job and I am so thankful for it. I love getting to know the residents and being able to help them. On days where I am missing Lesotho and kind of down, it is so great to be able to go to a Christian workplace where the residents can always make me smile.

I am also getting really excited to start at Moody this fall. As I talk to more people about it and learn more about my major, I am so sure that this is where the Lord wants me this fall. I am excited to be in the city and excited to see what God has in store for me there.

I don't feel like I have fully transitioned from being in Lesotho. It is just a long process. There are some really great days where I am confident that I am doing what God wants me to be doing. There are other days where I am looking up plane tickets to go back to Lesotho. I also realized I don't talk about my experiences a lot. When I do share a funny story or an experience I am always a bit bummed when I finish, because no matter how good of a story teller I try to be, its nothing like actually being there and experiencing it for yourself. I am also very protective of certain memories and experiences. There are many things that I don't like to just tell any person because they were so life changing and precious to me and I feel like most people wouldn't understand it. Maybe that is wrong of me for thinking that. Maybe someday I will feel comfortable sharing more.

The biggest thing I have been praying about lately is figuring out a balance of remembering and learning from the past while I focus on today and prepare for the future. If any of ya'll have some wisdom for me, I would love to hear it. :)

Well I could go on forever about the highs and lows of the past 3 months but that would get long. I am going to try to update maybe once more time before I leave for Moody and then maybe I will get on a monthly or bi-monthly schedule at Moody.

PEACE AND LOVE BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
OUR SAVIOR LIVES!!