21

Today I turn 21 years old. I spent my morning thanking and praising the Lord for the many blessings have has given me over my 21 years. I specifically thanked Him for my health, the God-fearing family he placed me in, and the many opportunities he has provided for me to learn and grow. My morning proceeded as usual...heading to campus, feeding the kids, washing dishes, doing laundry. Then, the social worker came and found me and asked if I would go with her to pick up two siblings about an hour outside of town to bring them back to BG. I quickly agreed and me and another volunteer left with her. On the way, we learned that the children's mother had recently passed away and their father went to work everyday and did not have someone to watch the kids while he was at work. An hour later we were at this very small home in a tiny village in the mountains watching this father say goodbye to his two small children. The kids were dirty and smelly but you could tell they were well fed and well loved. After our social worker talked with the father for a while, he walked his children to the car and handed me his 1 year old and the 4 year old to the other volunteer. That moment of seeing the confusion and fear in his children's eyes as he walked away will be a picture that is forever engraved in my memory. The 1 year old cried a bit as we drove away, but fell asleep only a few minutes down the road. I just looked down at him most of the ride home stroking his face.

Why God? This just feels so wrong. Why would you want to tear apart this family? This morning I was praising and thanking you for the blessing of a family you have given me...why would you not bless these children with that too? Why me, but not them? How can this possibly be the best thing for them? They should be at home with their father who loves them. 

And still as I write this I have confusion and hurt in my heart. My understanding, emotions, and faith were stretched today. I am thankful I can rest in the fact that God is all-knowing and I am not and I don't have to be.

Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. -Psalm 147:5

peace and blessings

Ausi Paige