Goodbyes

Dear Lesotho, 

Thanks for having me back. Words or pictures could now fully portray your beauty...from the breathtaking sunsets to the majestic mountain ranges. Your pace of life is refreshing and it was nice to have a break from the Chicago city bustle. 

Yours,

Ausi Paige

Dear K2 mommies,

You amaze me everyday. The kids love you, I love you and you love us. You laugh in times of chaos and seek the Lord in the happy and sad times. I feel to honored to have done life with you and I learned so much from you. I hope to be half as good of a mom as you are someday. 

Yours,

Ausi Nthabeleng

Dear fellow volunteers,

What fun times we have had. Thanks for making me laugh until I cry. Thanks for challenging me and pushing me. Thanks for just being there. Keep working hard and loving the kids. Keep showing Christs love to Lesotho. 

Yours,

Ausi Paige

Dear Hayl,

Thanks for visiting me. It means the world to know you care about this part of my heart and life. Thanks for helping me process by asking the hard questions. You are a good sister Lerato.

Yours,

Paige

Dear precious K2 babies,

I know you have the reputation of being the naughty house...and that is probably true...but you all are such treasures. You know how to make me laugh and hearing you sing brings me to tears. 

You are loved more than you could ever know. I love you, your house mothers love you, and most of all God loves you more than you could ever comprehend. I pray you all grow up to be men and women who seek the Lord first. 

Yours always,

Ausi Paige

Dear Heavenly Father,

You are such a gracious and loving Father. These three months were a gift from your hand and I feel so undeserving. You were faithful every single day. I trust you with my future....whether returning to Lesotho is a part of that or not. Help me and walk with me through this next semester. Help me not to forget all of your children back in Lesotho. You are a good father. 

Yours always,

Paige

Names.

Hello friends!
Sorry for the lack of posting...our internet has not been super reliable lately. It has been a crazy few weeks! My sister arrived on Wednesday and having her here has been so nice and fun.

Last week a week old baby arrived at Beautiful Gate and was placed in my house. He arrived late at night and when I went over to go see him I was told he did not yet have a name. The house mother told me that I could name him! Sadly, I cannot tell you the name I chose to protect the child and his story. The process of naming the child felt so intimate. I, this random white person who had known this child for two and a half seconds, gave him the name that he would go by for the rest of his life (unless it was changed if he gets adopted). I was so humbled and grateful for this special moment with this child. That night I was thinking about names and specifically the names in the Bible and how important and rich their meanings are. I was also journeling about the many names we have for God...Father, Savior, Redeemer, King, Lord, Friend....wow, how wonderful to have a God who is all of these things and in their fullest and most perfect meaning!

I leave in a little over a week and that seems so crazy to me. I feel as though I just arrived here. I will return to Moody Bible Institute and start my Junior year. That is something I am not looking forward to so much since school can be very challenging for me at times. But, I know I need to go back to be trained in the field I am passionate about, which is social work and specifically adoption. Please pray for my transition home and pray that I am able to enjoy my last days with my kids. At this point, I can't imagine saying goodbye since these kids have become such a big part of my life.

Thanks for checking in!

Peace and blessings.

Ausi Nthabeleng

Celebration

This past week one of our office staff workers bought a car! In Lesotho, most people do not have cars since they are so expensive. It is hard to get a cheap car even because if it is cheap it is probably because it needs work done, and there are not many reliable mechanics around. So, being able to buy a car on your own is a BIG deal. When she drove it work for the first time all the of the house mothers came running out of their houses yelling and singing for joy. They all gathered around the car and sang and danced and carried the new car owner on their shoulders. It was so beautiful and joyful to watch. I love how they celebrate each other in this culture. None of these house mothers or other staff members own cars, yet they did not get jealous. They celebrated their sister's accomplishment and praised the Lord for this blessing he gave her.

There is a boy in my house with special needs who is learning to walk. I have been holding his fingers and practicing with him and he has been getting a lot stronger. The other day while I was walking with him around the room, the house mother came in and saw the progress he was making. She started to sing his praise and dance around him. She cheered and cheered for him as he continued to take steps. I love seeing her love and care for this boy with special needs who still needs a lot of working with until he can walk on his own. In the Basotho culture, most people overlook those with special needs. But, I love how at BG each kid is loved and given the care they need so matter how high the needs are.

I love how this culture celebrates the blessings they receive from God...the small blessings and big ones. 

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice!” -Philippians 4:4

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” -Psalm 91:1-2

peace and blessings,
Ausi Paige

goodbyes

In the past month I feel like I have constantly saying goodbye. In the month of June there were 2 amazing teams that came to volunteer at BG. One team was from my high school, Holland Christian, and the other was a high school team from Crosspoint Church in California. Both groups worked so hard and I became good friends with many of them. Then, after 10 days I had to say goodbye. Its a normal yet not so fun part about the missionary life.

Then, this weekend I had to say goodbye to 2 long term volunteers that I have lived with and worked with over the past month and a half. Laurie has been here for 4 months, and Casie has been here for 8 months Their farewell ceremony was an emotional one to say the least. Their house mothers wept as they said their last goodbyes to the girls they called their daughters. They both loved the kids so well and invested so much to make this place like home for them. Their joy and laughter is going to be missed around campus. Even though selfishly I want them to stay here with me, I am learning to let go and trust the Lord's sovereign plan for their life...whether that means I will get to see them again or not.

Though I am not looking forward to saying goodbye to this place once again at the end of the summer, I am thankful I can have peace knowing that God's perfect plan is so much bigger than me and bigger than Lesotho.

Blessings, 

Ausi Paige

my regular schedule

6:00am - wake up, get ready for the day, spend time with the Lord
7:00am - get to my baby house (Khotso 2) and start feeding the kids breakfast
7:30am - wash the breakfast dishes while the kids sit on the potty
7:45am - bring the school ages kids to preschool (though this week they started winter break).
8:00am - hang 3-5 loads of laundry on the line
8:30am - bring the 1-3 year olds to play group and  play with them until 10. Sometimes we will do special lessons or crafts with the kids depending on the day
10:00am - feed the kids their morning snack (which is usually porridge)
10:15am - bring the kids who do not know how to walk home while the rest go outside to play
10:30am - TEA TIME - I usually go home to grab a snack or just rest if I had a chaotic morning (which is often)
11:00am - come back to play group and play with the kids outside
11:30am - the kids go home and we start feeding them lunch
12:00pm - go and pick up the preschoolers from school and walk them home
12:15pm - wash all the lunch dishes and send the kids to the potty before nap
12:30pm - go home for lunch while the kids are taking naps
3:00pm - come back for play group outside with all the kids (except for on Wednesdays we have chapel at this time)
4:00pm - the kids have a snack and then return to their houses
4:15pm - give all the kids baths and get them in their pajamas
4:30pm - start feeding the kids dinner
5:00pm - wash the dishes from dinner and help give bottles to the babies
5:30pm - go home for the night :)

soooo yeaaaaa that is what my day usually looks like. It is busy but filled with sweet moments with the children and glimpses of my Savior. Though the schedule looks the same most days, God still weaves beautiful reminders and lessons to learn within.  Some of my favorite moments of the day are usually when I am washing dishes. I get to watch the sun set behind the mountains every evening as one by one the children come and bring me their dishes to wash. I cherish these few seconds or minutes I get to spend alone with the kids since there are otherwise always so many kids around fighting for attention. I love how R hugs my legs every time she comes to bring me her dish. I love how B always wants me to lift him up so he can see the water. I love how P will linger for a while licking his bowl to make sure he got it every little bit. I love how M will always dance to my music with me. I love how P always will open the back door looking nervously for the cats. I love how A sings and dances while watching the reflection of himself on the oven door.

These are the moments that seem insignificant looking at the big picture, but they are the things I cherish most.

peace and blessings,

Ausi Paige

**For new blog readers: In case you are wondering, I am not allowed to post pictures of the kids' faces or their names for their protection and privacy.

BG's amazing staff

The staff here amaze me everyday. My favorite moments are when I walk in on one of my house mothers singing and kissing the cheeks of the smallest baby in the house. She giggles when she sees me out of embarrassment and says, "Look! She is learning to sit up!" She sits the baby out in front of her on the ground and lets go of her while still holding her arms out in case the baby falls. She claps and continues to sing praises to this child who is smiling back at her. The reason I love these moments is because there is 237 other things this house mother could be doing...cooking, cleaning, laundry, feeding, and there are 13 other children who also depend on her for care and love. Yet, my house mother will stop what she is doing to just love the children God has placed in her life. I would think it would get exhausting. Many of our house mothers have been here for many years and they are constantly saying goodbye to children that they love and care for as if they were their own. I would think after a while they would put a wall up to prevent themselves from being hurt when they leave...and yet they don't. They keep loving these children and encouraging them to grow and learn and ultimately directing them towards Christ.

I love seeing the excitement and love on the house mothers face when a new child comes in. We have had 3 babies, all less than a month old, come in this week. It is beautiful to watch those first moments of the house mother taking the child back to their house and washing them up, finding clothes to fit them, and feeding them a meal. There is nothing but love and joy in their hearts. Instead of mourning the situation the child may have come out of, they rejoice that the child ended up at BG and not at one of the corrupt orphanages in the country. They always find a reason to rejoice. They always find a reason to praise God in every situation.

I also need to say how much I appreciate the maintenance men at BG. There has been multiple occasions where our front door lock has gotten stuck, and one of them will come to our house (even late at night) to open it for us. Yesterday, we asked if one of them could fix our hot water geyser since it had not been working for a few days. After work, one of them came and not only fixed our geyser but also our two leaky faucets, our sticky front door lock, and a broken tile in our kitchen. He was at our house working for over an hour and just fixed these things without us even asking him to.

God has blessed Beautiful Gate with incredible staff who love God more than anything else. I have so much to learn from them and I am so thankful they are in my life even for a short time.

peace and blessings,

ausi paige

21

Today I turn 21 years old. I spent my morning thanking and praising the Lord for the many blessings have has given me over my 21 years. I specifically thanked Him for my health, the God-fearing family he placed me in, and the many opportunities he has provided for me to learn and grow. My morning proceeded as usual...heading to campus, feeding the kids, washing dishes, doing laundry. Then, the social worker came and found me and asked if I would go with her to pick up two siblings about an hour outside of town to bring them back to BG. I quickly agreed and me and another volunteer left with her. On the way, we learned that the children's mother had recently passed away and their father went to work everyday and did not have someone to watch the kids while he was at work. An hour later we were at this very small home in a tiny village in the mountains watching this father say goodbye to his two small children. The kids were dirty and smelly but you could tell they were well fed and well loved. After our social worker talked with the father for a while, he walked his children to the car and handed me his 1 year old and the 4 year old to the other volunteer. That moment of seeing the confusion and fear in his children's eyes as he walked away will be a picture that is forever engraved in my memory. The 1 year old cried a bit as we drove away, but fell asleep only a few minutes down the road. I just looked down at him most of the ride home stroking his face.

Why God? This just feels so wrong. Why would you want to tear apart this family? This morning I was praising and thanking you for the blessing of a family you have given me...why would you not bless these children with that too? Why me, but not them? How can this possibly be the best thing for them? They should be at home with their father who loves them. 

And still as I write this I have confusion and hurt in my heart. My understanding, emotions, and faith were stretched today. I am thankful I can rest in the fact that God is all-knowing and I am not and I don't have to be.

Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. -Psalm 147:5

peace and blessings

Ausi Paige