my regular schedule

6:00am - wake up, get ready for the day, spend time with the Lord
7:00am - get to my baby house (Khotso 2) and start feeding the kids breakfast
7:30am - wash the breakfast dishes while the kids sit on the potty
7:45am - bring the school ages kids to preschool (though this week they started winter break).
8:00am - hang 3-5 loads of laundry on the line
8:30am - bring the 1-3 year olds to play group and  play with them until 10. Sometimes we will do special lessons or crafts with the kids depending on the day
10:00am - feed the kids their morning snack (which is usually porridge)
10:15am - bring the kids who do not know how to walk home while the rest go outside to play
10:30am - TEA TIME - I usually go home to grab a snack or just rest if I had a chaotic morning (which is often)
11:00am - come back to play group and play with the kids outside
11:30am - the kids go home and we start feeding them lunch
12:00pm - go and pick up the preschoolers from school and walk them home
12:15pm - wash all the lunch dishes and send the kids to the potty before nap
12:30pm - go home for lunch while the kids are taking naps
3:00pm - come back for play group outside with all the kids (except for on Wednesdays we have chapel at this time)
4:00pm - the kids have a snack and then return to their houses
4:15pm - give all the kids baths and get them in their pajamas
4:30pm - start feeding the kids dinner
5:00pm - wash the dishes from dinner and help give bottles to the babies
5:30pm - go home for the night :)

soooo yeaaaaa that is what my day usually looks like. It is busy but filled with sweet moments with the children and glimpses of my Savior. Though the schedule looks the same most days, God still weaves beautiful reminders and lessons to learn within.  Some of my favorite moments of the day are usually when I am washing dishes. I get to watch the sun set behind the mountains every evening as one by one the children come and bring me their dishes to wash. I cherish these few seconds or minutes I get to spend alone with the kids since there are otherwise always so many kids around fighting for attention. I love how R hugs my legs every time she comes to bring me her dish. I love how B always wants me to lift him up so he can see the water. I love how P will linger for a while licking his bowl to make sure he got it every little bit. I love how M will always dance to my music with me. I love how P always will open the back door looking nervously for the cats. I love how A sings and dances while watching the reflection of himself on the oven door.

These are the moments that seem insignificant looking at the big picture, but they are the things I cherish most.

peace and blessings,

Ausi Paige

**For new blog readers: In case you are wondering, I am not allowed to post pictures of the kids' faces or their names for their protection and privacy.

BG's amazing staff

The staff here amaze me everyday. My favorite moments are when I walk in on one of my house mothers singing and kissing the cheeks of the smallest baby in the house. She giggles when she sees me out of embarrassment and says, "Look! She is learning to sit up!" She sits the baby out in front of her on the ground and lets go of her while still holding her arms out in case the baby falls. She claps and continues to sing praises to this child who is smiling back at her. The reason I love these moments is because there is 237 other things this house mother could be doing...cooking, cleaning, laundry, feeding, and there are 13 other children who also depend on her for care and love. Yet, my house mother will stop what she is doing to just love the children God has placed in her life. I would think it would get exhausting. Many of our house mothers have been here for many years and they are constantly saying goodbye to children that they love and care for as if they were their own. I would think after a while they would put a wall up to prevent themselves from being hurt when they leave...and yet they don't. They keep loving these children and encouraging them to grow and learn and ultimately directing them towards Christ.

I love seeing the excitement and love on the house mothers face when a new child comes in. We have had 3 babies, all less than a month old, come in this week. It is beautiful to watch those first moments of the house mother taking the child back to their house and washing them up, finding clothes to fit them, and feeding them a meal. There is nothing but love and joy in their hearts. Instead of mourning the situation the child may have come out of, they rejoice that the child ended up at BG and not at one of the corrupt orphanages in the country. They always find a reason to rejoice. They always find a reason to praise God in every situation.

I also need to say how much I appreciate the maintenance men at BG. There has been multiple occasions where our front door lock has gotten stuck, and one of them will come to our house (even late at night) to open it for us. Yesterday, we asked if one of them could fix our hot water geyser since it had not been working for a few days. After work, one of them came and not only fixed our geyser but also our two leaky faucets, our sticky front door lock, and a broken tile in our kitchen. He was at our house working for over an hour and just fixed these things without us even asking him to.

God has blessed Beautiful Gate with incredible staff who love God more than anything else. I have so much to learn from them and I am so thankful they are in my life even for a short time.

peace and blessings,

ausi paige

21

Today I turn 21 years old. I spent my morning thanking and praising the Lord for the many blessings have has given me over my 21 years. I specifically thanked Him for my health, the God-fearing family he placed me in, and the many opportunities he has provided for me to learn and grow. My morning proceeded as usual...heading to campus, feeding the kids, washing dishes, doing laundry. Then, the social worker came and found me and asked if I would go with her to pick up two siblings about an hour outside of town to bring them back to BG. I quickly agreed and me and another volunteer left with her. On the way, we learned that the children's mother had recently passed away and their father went to work everyday and did not have someone to watch the kids while he was at work. An hour later we were at this very small home in a tiny village in the mountains watching this father say goodbye to his two small children. The kids were dirty and smelly but you could tell they were well fed and well loved. After our social worker talked with the father for a while, he walked his children to the car and handed me his 1 year old and the 4 year old to the other volunteer. That moment of seeing the confusion and fear in his children's eyes as he walked away will be a picture that is forever engraved in my memory. The 1 year old cried a bit as we drove away, but fell asleep only a few minutes down the road. I just looked down at him most of the ride home stroking his face.

Why God? This just feels so wrong. Why would you want to tear apart this family? This morning I was praising and thanking you for the blessing of a family you have given me...why would you not bless these children with that too? Why me, but not them? How can this possibly be the best thing for them? They should be at home with their father who loves them. 

And still as I write this I have confusion and hurt in my heart. My understanding, emotions, and faith were stretched today. I am thankful I can rest in the fact that God is all-knowing and I am not and I don't have to be.

Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. -Psalm 147:5

peace and blessings

Ausi Paige

Old and New.

WOW! What a week it has been! I finally feel settled and mostly adjusted to the time change. I think I am about half way there with learning the names of the 60 children. I no longer ask what the weather is going to be like the next day because nobody cares and nobody knows. It simply is cold in the morning and warm when the sun comes up.

This week I have observed a lot of change at Beautiful Gate since I had been here almost 2 and a half hears ago. First, there are so many volunteers! Last time I was here, I was the only volunteer that worked in the houses for most of my time. Now, there is 1 (sometimes 2) volunteers to each of the 5 baby houses. These are mostly young volunteers in college or just out of college. It is strange seeing so many white faces around campus. Next, I notice that there are not as many hospital runs. If you followed me on my last trip, you would know that I would often go to the hospital with a run once or twice a week. Now, one of the clinics sends one of their doctors to us regularly so we do not have to make the trip so often with so many kids. And, the kids are just not sick as often. There is also a whole new building on campus! The Maroon House was built last year to house teams of volunteers that come to BG. This building is beautiful! The most enjoyable change is all of the new children. Though I am not happy to see more faces of children who have either lost their parents or have parents who did not want them, it is good to see that many of the kids that were here last time I was here are gone. They have either been reunited with their family or been adopted, and that is exciting.

Amidst all this change, there is still some things that have been consistent. The staff are mostly all the same and welcomed me so sweetly. When I walked into my assigned baby house, my house mother screamed and hugged me for a good 3 minutes. She does not speak very much English, but she kept saying, "I missed you, ausi! The children missed you, ausi!" The Geurink family, the orphanage directors, are still here and doing incredible work. There are about 7-8 kids that I remember from my last trip. One boy from my house was a baby last time when I left and now he is the one who runs the house and helps with the younger kids! Another girl in my house was one that I spent a lot of time with to try to teach her to walk. She walks now AND goes to school! SOOOO cool and encouraging to see these kids grow up and develop! Last, the Lord is still here and still working so evidently in and through the staff, volunteers, community members, and other missionaries. Even after my first night of being here, I was so humbled and overwhelmed by how my brothers and sisters are trusting the Lord and making HIS name known all around Lesotho.

Things to Pray For:
-My housing situation. I am living with a friend, who is a local, and another volunteer off campus and we may need to move at the end of the month due to circumstances out of our control.
-2 teams coming. Over the next 3-4 weeks we will have two High School teams coming. Pray that they are able to learn from their experience and grow in their knowledge and understanding of the Lord
-Patience....I have 6 wonderful, beautiful, yet mischievous, little boys in my house. Some days, my patience runs thin. I have already had a few "Come to Jesus" moments with a few in particular.
-That I would be able to in some small way show the love of our Heavenly Father to the people I encounter.

Thank you for your prayers and support!

peace and blessings,

Ausi(Miss) Paige

Arrival

Lumela!

I have arrived! Wednesday I arrived safely to Beautiful Gate and was warmly greeted by the Geurink family (the orphanage directors), the staff, the children, and my fellow volunteers. It feels so good to be back! In some ways it feels like I never left and in other ways it feels like I have been gone forever.

All of my flights went very smooth. Thank you to everyone who prayed for me! I am so blessed to have such a consistent and prayerful support system. I will post a  more detailed update later in the week. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am here and I am doing well, though I am still recovering from some jet lag. :)

peace and blessings,

Ausi Paige

3 months later UPDATE!

Where to start??
I just read my last two blogs posts which I regret because I am now sitting here blubbering and sniffling like a fool. Man, I miss BG. Its been a long, slow process of working through all the emotions of being back in the US. I guess I will just start from the beginning of when I got home and show what my last 3 months have been like. I will warn you this post might be a little random and all over the place.

I got home a day later than planned with my dad because we got stuck in DC in a snow storm. Thankfully, my dad is super smart and figured out the train would get us home faster than the next flight out would. Sooooo through a series of stressful and "are you kidding me?" type events, we made it home! My sister from college came home and my siblings skipped school to wait for me. So sweet! Though I was sad I wasn't going to be able to see everyone in the airport, looking back I realize now that it was a blessing. I was able to spend some quality time with my family and catch up with them before I saw everyone else.

The first couple weeks were like a dream. I don't really remember much of it. I will say that the first couple weeks I pretty much blocked out thinking about Lesotho, BG, or even the kids. My heart would just ache every time I was reminded of them for even a second, so my instinct was to block it out all together. I knew I would eventually have to go through pictures and talk about my experience because I had multiple presentations coming up. Going through my pictures and journals was a very emotional experience that I just had to buckle down and get over with. It was just pained me so greatly to have to look at 2D pictures of children that I loved so much and were a part of my life for so long and knowing I probably won't see a lot of them again. I can't explain it, it just hurt. I grew a lot through that process. I learned to take time out to pray for the kids instead of feeling sad that they are no longer a part of my life.

 As all this was happening I was trying to figure out my place at home again. When I was in Lesotho, I felt like I was taking great strides towards becoming the woman God created me to be, and I was so excited about it. Then, when I got home I felt like I quickly jumped back into my old self because it seemed everyone expected me to be my old self. It was confusing because on the inside I didn't feel like my old self. I kind of felt trapped. Does that make any sense at all??? Probably not, oh well. Bear with me.

.At the beginning of April I started a  new job at an assisted living nursing home.  My mom also works there. I absolutely love my job and I am so thankful for it. I love getting to know the residents and being able to help them. On days where I am missing Lesotho and kind of down, it is so great to be able to go to a Christian workplace where the residents can always make me smile.

I am also getting really excited to start at Moody this fall. As I talk to more people about it and learn more about my major, I am so sure that this is where the Lord wants me this fall. I am excited to be in the city and excited to see what God has in store for me there.

I don't feel like I have fully transitioned from being in Lesotho. It is just a long process. There are some really great days where I am confident that I am doing what God wants me to be doing. There are other days where I am looking up plane tickets to go back to Lesotho. I also realized I don't talk about my experiences a lot. When I do share a funny story or an experience I am always a bit bummed when I finish, because no matter how good of a story teller I try to be, its nothing like actually being there and experiencing it for yourself. I am also very protective of certain memories and experiences. There are many things that I don't like to just tell any person because they were so life changing and precious to me and I feel like most people wouldn't understand it. Maybe that is wrong of me for thinking that. Maybe someday I will feel comfortable sharing more.

The biggest thing I have been praying about lately is figuring out a balance of remembering and learning from the past while I focus on today and prepare for the future. If any of ya'll have some wisdom for me, I would love to hear it. :)

Well I could go on forever about the highs and lows of the past 3 months but that would get long. I am going to try to update maybe once more time before I leave for Moody and then maybe I will get on a monthly or bi-monthly schedule at Moody.

PEACE AND LOVE BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
OUR SAVIOR LIVES!!

I'm coming home.

Well here I am. Sitting in the Johannasburg airport waiting for my next flight. So many emotions and so many thoughts running through my head right now. Only a couple hours ago I said goodbye to my Lesotho family. And tomorrow I will get to see my family and friends after 8 months of being away. Flying out of Lesotho I kept thinking to myself, "I just don't know how this could be goodbye." A "see ya later" I can deal with. Its the goodbyes that stink. Its the "I don't know when I am coming back" that kills me. So for this final Lesotho blog post I am going to write a few letters to help me say goodbye.

Dear Lesotho, You are the most beautiful country I have ever seen. I love how so much of your land is untouched and untouristed (is that a word? ehhh we will go with it). Though you are small your culture is so rich. Your people are hospitable and always so joyful. Though your random speed bumps can be rather annoying and most of your people are crazy drivers, you always have an adventure in store. Thank you for welcoming me with open arms. I can't wait for the next time I get to walk on your soil. Kealeboha!  -Ausi Paige

Dear Beautiful Gate children, Seeing your reaction when you were told I was leaving today ripped me heart to shreds. Its  a good thing my dad was here to drag me out because I would've done anything to spend just a few more days playing, singing, and laughing with you. Thank you for keeping me young and teaching me to find joy in the tiny things. I will miss being called "Ausi Paige." I will miss walking into my house every morning and being smothered my your hugs. I will miss walking some of you to school and trying my best to stop you from eating the cat food. I will miss your beautiful faces. Keep singing and praising our Lord!   -Ausi Paige

Dear Geurink family, The things I see you doing for Beautiful Gate blow me away. You are so passionate about the work you are doing that which is contagious to us, volunteers. Thank you for making me your adoptive daughter/sister. I will miss Chuck nights, Carmel popcorn, Euchre, Redneck life, driving on closed roads (maybe), going to church with you, ball tag, and Anita's cole slaw.....but mostly just Anita's Cole slaw. :) haha. I pray that the Lord continues to work through you and gives you the patience and strength you need to finish your work there. I look forward to seeing you this summer!   -Ausi Paige

Dear current and former housemates, Thanks for putting up with this emotional 18 year old. I enjoyed your company and your encouragement. Even though at times we struggled with the shower or struggled to fit all of our food in fridge, we always seemed to make a good time out of it. I pray that wherever you are or end up the Lord blesses you and you would never forget Lesostho.   -Ausi Paige

Dear Beautiful Gate staff, You amaze me. Everyday I couldn't help but smile when I heard you singing around the houses and interacting with the kids. The Lord has blessed BG with so many people who are very passionate about their work. You have taught me many things, like how to take care of 60 kids, how to rejoice in every situation, and you even taught me some Basotho songs and dances. You became my family or the 8 months. It was so hard to say goodbye to you, but I know I will be back. Keep up the amazing work and you will forever be in my prayers. God bless you!   -Ausi Paige

Dear cats of Beautiful Gate, I never actually learned how to tell you all apart. I am home with my dog now and I think I almost prefer her over you 4. No offense. It would be great if you could stop climbing through windows and eating people's freshly made food because that is just rude. Take care of Faith and Mercy for me :)  -Ausi Paige

Dear Appletiser, WHY AREN'T YOU IN AMERICA? I AM GOING THROUGH WITHDRAW!   -Ausi Paige

Dear Terp, Keep it trill. You can do it. Its not impossible, you just need to stay focused.   -Ausi Paige

Dear Readers, Thank you for taking this journey with me. Your kind words and e-mails encouraged me so much. If I ever go back to BG I will keep posting on this same blog. I am also going to try to post once in a while even after I am back just to keep everyone updated of what the Lord is doing in my life and such. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!    -Ausi Paige

Dear God, Let YOUR name be praised! In my going and now my coming home. Let people see YOUR power and YOUR love as I share stories and experiences. You deserve every ounce of the glory and I ask you would help me stay humble and give all the glory to you. God, I get weak when think about all the amazing people you let me meet and all the amazing experiences you let me have. I am so unworthy. But I am thankful. Use me here, Lord. Give me the words to speak that would put a smile on your face. Your daughter loves you and trusts you. Thank you, Jesus.   -Ausi Paige