Goodbyes

Dear Lesotho, 

Thanks for having me back. Words or pictures could now fully portray your beauty...from the breathtaking sunsets to the majestic mountain ranges. Your pace of life is refreshing and it was nice to have a break from the Chicago city bustle. 

Yours,

Ausi Paige

Dear K2 mommies,

You amaze me everyday. The kids love you, I love you and you love us. You laugh in times of chaos and seek the Lord in the happy and sad times. I feel to honored to have done life with you and I learned so much from you. I hope to be half as good of a mom as you are someday. 

Yours,

Ausi Nthabeleng

Dear fellow volunteers,

What fun times we have had. Thanks for making me laugh until I cry. Thanks for challenging me and pushing me. Thanks for just being there. Keep working hard and loving the kids. Keep showing Christs love to Lesotho. 

Yours,

Ausi Paige

Dear Hayl,

Thanks for visiting me. It means the world to know you care about this part of my heart and life. Thanks for helping me process by asking the hard questions. You are a good sister Lerato.

Yours,

Paige

Dear precious K2 babies,

I know you have the reputation of being the naughty house...and that is probably true...but you all are such treasures. You know how to make me laugh and hearing you sing brings me to tears. 

You are loved more than you could ever know. I love you, your house mothers love you, and most of all God loves you more than you could ever comprehend. I pray you all grow up to be men and women who seek the Lord first. 

Yours always,

Ausi Paige

Dear Heavenly Father,

You are such a gracious and loving Father. These three months were a gift from your hand and I feel so undeserving. You were faithful every single day. I trust you with my future....whether returning to Lesotho is a part of that or not. Help me and walk with me through this next semester. Help me not to forget all of your children back in Lesotho. You are a good father. 

Yours always,

Paige

Names.

Hello friends!
Sorry for the lack of posting...our internet has not been super reliable lately. It has been a crazy few weeks! My sister arrived on Wednesday and having her here has been so nice and fun.

Last week a week old baby arrived at Beautiful Gate and was placed in my house. He arrived late at night and when I went over to go see him I was told he did not yet have a name. The house mother told me that I could name him! Sadly, I cannot tell you the name I chose to protect the child and his story. The process of naming the child felt so intimate. I, this random white person who had known this child for two and a half seconds, gave him the name that he would go by for the rest of his life (unless it was changed if he gets adopted). I was so humbled and grateful for this special moment with this child. That night I was thinking about names and specifically the names in the Bible and how important and rich their meanings are. I was also journeling about the many names we have for God...Father, Savior, Redeemer, King, Lord, Friend....wow, how wonderful to have a God who is all of these things and in their fullest and most perfect meaning!

I leave in a little over a week and that seems so crazy to me. I feel as though I just arrived here. I will return to Moody Bible Institute and start my Junior year. That is something I am not looking forward to so much since school can be very challenging for me at times. But, I know I need to go back to be trained in the field I am passionate about, which is social work and specifically adoption. Please pray for my transition home and pray that I am able to enjoy my last days with my kids. At this point, I can't imagine saying goodbye since these kids have become such a big part of my life.

Thanks for checking in!

Peace and blessings.

Ausi Nthabeleng

Celebration

This past week one of our office staff workers bought a car! In Lesotho, most people do not have cars since they are so expensive. It is hard to get a cheap car even because if it is cheap it is probably because it needs work done, and there are not many reliable mechanics around. So, being able to buy a car on your own is a BIG deal. When she drove it work for the first time all the of the house mothers came running out of their houses yelling and singing for joy. They all gathered around the car and sang and danced and carried the new car owner on their shoulders. It was so beautiful and joyful to watch. I love how they celebrate each other in this culture. None of these house mothers or other staff members own cars, yet they did not get jealous. They celebrated their sister's accomplishment and praised the Lord for this blessing he gave her.

There is a boy in my house with special needs who is learning to walk. I have been holding his fingers and practicing with him and he has been getting a lot stronger. The other day while I was walking with him around the room, the house mother came in and saw the progress he was making. She started to sing his praise and dance around him. She cheered and cheered for him as he continued to take steps. I love seeing her love and care for this boy with special needs who still needs a lot of working with until he can walk on his own. In the Basotho culture, most people overlook those with special needs. But, I love how at BG each kid is loved and given the care they need so matter how high the needs are.

I love how this culture celebrates the blessings they receive from God...the small blessings and big ones. 

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice!” -Philippians 4:4

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” -Psalm 91:1-2

peace and blessings,
Ausi Paige

goodbyes

In the past month I feel like I have constantly saying goodbye. In the month of June there were 2 amazing teams that came to volunteer at BG. One team was from my high school, Holland Christian, and the other was a high school team from Crosspoint Church in California. Both groups worked so hard and I became good friends with many of them. Then, after 10 days I had to say goodbye. Its a normal yet not so fun part about the missionary life.

Then, this weekend I had to say goodbye to 2 long term volunteers that I have lived with and worked with over the past month and a half. Laurie has been here for 4 months, and Casie has been here for 8 months Their farewell ceremony was an emotional one to say the least. Their house mothers wept as they said their last goodbyes to the girls they called their daughters. They both loved the kids so well and invested so much to make this place like home for them. Their joy and laughter is going to be missed around campus. Even though selfishly I want them to stay here with me, I am learning to let go and trust the Lord's sovereign plan for their life...whether that means I will get to see them again or not.

Though I am not looking forward to saying goodbye to this place once again at the end of the summer, I am thankful I can have peace knowing that God's perfect plan is so much bigger than me and bigger than Lesotho.

Blessings, 

Ausi Paige

my regular schedule

6:00am - wake up, get ready for the day, spend time with the Lord
7:00am - get to my baby house (Khotso 2) and start feeding the kids breakfast
7:30am - wash the breakfast dishes while the kids sit on the potty
7:45am - bring the school ages kids to preschool (though this week they started winter break).
8:00am - hang 3-5 loads of laundry on the line
8:30am - bring the 1-3 year olds to play group and  play with them until 10. Sometimes we will do special lessons or crafts with the kids depending on the day
10:00am - feed the kids their morning snack (which is usually porridge)
10:15am - bring the kids who do not know how to walk home while the rest go outside to play
10:30am - TEA TIME - I usually go home to grab a snack or just rest if I had a chaotic morning (which is often)
11:00am - come back to play group and play with the kids outside
11:30am - the kids go home and we start feeding them lunch
12:00pm - go and pick up the preschoolers from school and walk them home
12:15pm - wash all the lunch dishes and send the kids to the potty before nap
12:30pm - go home for lunch while the kids are taking naps
3:00pm - come back for play group outside with all the kids (except for on Wednesdays we have chapel at this time)
4:00pm - the kids have a snack and then return to their houses
4:15pm - give all the kids baths and get them in their pajamas
4:30pm - start feeding the kids dinner
5:00pm - wash the dishes from dinner and help give bottles to the babies
5:30pm - go home for the night :)

soooo yeaaaaa that is what my day usually looks like. It is busy but filled with sweet moments with the children and glimpses of my Savior. Though the schedule looks the same most days, God still weaves beautiful reminders and lessons to learn within.  Some of my favorite moments of the day are usually when I am washing dishes. I get to watch the sun set behind the mountains every evening as one by one the children come and bring me their dishes to wash. I cherish these few seconds or minutes I get to spend alone with the kids since there are otherwise always so many kids around fighting for attention. I love how R hugs my legs every time she comes to bring me her dish. I love how B always wants me to lift him up so he can see the water. I love how P will linger for a while licking his bowl to make sure he got it every little bit. I love how M will always dance to my music with me. I love how P always will open the back door looking nervously for the cats. I love how A sings and dances while watching the reflection of himself on the oven door.

These are the moments that seem insignificant looking at the big picture, but they are the things I cherish most.

peace and blessings,

Ausi Paige

**For new blog readers: In case you are wondering, I am not allowed to post pictures of the kids' faces or their names for their protection and privacy.

BG's amazing staff

The staff here amaze me everyday. My favorite moments are when I walk in on one of my house mothers singing and kissing the cheeks of the smallest baby in the house. She giggles when she sees me out of embarrassment and says, "Look! She is learning to sit up!" She sits the baby out in front of her on the ground and lets go of her while still holding her arms out in case the baby falls. She claps and continues to sing praises to this child who is smiling back at her. The reason I love these moments is because there is 237 other things this house mother could be doing...cooking, cleaning, laundry, feeding, and there are 13 other children who also depend on her for care and love. Yet, my house mother will stop what she is doing to just love the children God has placed in her life. I would think it would get exhausting. Many of our house mothers have been here for many years and they are constantly saying goodbye to children that they love and care for as if they were their own. I would think after a while they would put a wall up to prevent themselves from being hurt when they leave...and yet they don't. They keep loving these children and encouraging them to grow and learn and ultimately directing them towards Christ.

I love seeing the excitement and love on the house mothers face when a new child comes in. We have had 3 babies, all less than a month old, come in this week. It is beautiful to watch those first moments of the house mother taking the child back to their house and washing them up, finding clothes to fit them, and feeding them a meal. There is nothing but love and joy in their hearts. Instead of mourning the situation the child may have come out of, they rejoice that the child ended up at BG and not at one of the corrupt orphanages in the country. They always find a reason to rejoice. They always find a reason to praise God in every situation.

I also need to say how much I appreciate the maintenance men at BG. There has been multiple occasions where our front door lock has gotten stuck, and one of them will come to our house (even late at night) to open it for us. Yesterday, we asked if one of them could fix our hot water geyser since it had not been working for a few days. After work, one of them came and not only fixed our geyser but also our two leaky faucets, our sticky front door lock, and a broken tile in our kitchen. He was at our house working for over an hour and just fixed these things without us even asking him to.

God has blessed Beautiful Gate with incredible staff who love God more than anything else. I have so much to learn from them and I am so thankful they are in my life even for a short time.

peace and blessings,

ausi paige

21

Today I turn 21 years old. I spent my morning thanking and praising the Lord for the many blessings have has given me over my 21 years. I specifically thanked Him for my health, the God-fearing family he placed me in, and the many opportunities he has provided for me to learn and grow. My morning proceeded as usual...heading to campus, feeding the kids, washing dishes, doing laundry. Then, the social worker came and found me and asked if I would go with her to pick up two siblings about an hour outside of town to bring them back to BG. I quickly agreed and me and another volunteer left with her. On the way, we learned that the children's mother had recently passed away and their father went to work everyday and did not have someone to watch the kids while he was at work. An hour later we were at this very small home in a tiny village in the mountains watching this father say goodbye to his two small children. The kids were dirty and smelly but you could tell they were well fed and well loved. After our social worker talked with the father for a while, he walked his children to the car and handed me his 1 year old and the 4 year old to the other volunteer. That moment of seeing the confusion and fear in his children's eyes as he walked away will be a picture that is forever engraved in my memory. The 1 year old cried a bit as we drove away, but fell asleep only a few minutes down the road. I just looked down at him most of the ride home stroking his face.

Why God? This just feels so wrong. Why would you want to tear apart this family? This morning I was praising and thanking you for the blessing of a family you have given me...why would you not bless these children with that too? Why me, but not them? How can this possibly be the best thing for them? They should be at home with their father who loves them. 

And still as I write this I have confusion and hurt in my heart. My understanding, emotions, and faith were stretched today. I am thankful I can rest in the fact that God is all-knowing and I am not and I don't have to be.

Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. -Psalm 147:5

peace and blessings

Ausi Paige

Old and New.

WOW! What a week it has been! I finally feel settled and mostly adjusted to the time change. I think I am about half way there with learning the names of the 60 children. I no longer ask what the weather is going to be like the next day because nobody cares and nobody knows. It simply is cold in the morning and warm when the sun comes up.

This week I have observed a lot of change at Beautiful Gate since I had been here almost 2 and a half hears ago. First, there are so many volunteers! Last time I was here, I was the only volunteer that worked in the houses for most of my time. Now, there is 1 (sometimes 2) volunteers to each of the 5 baby houses. These are mostly young volunteers in college or just out of college. It is strange seeing so many white faces around campus. Next, I notice that there are not as many hospital runs. If you followed me on my last trip, you would know that I would often go to the hospital with a run once or twice a week. Now, one of the clinics sends one of their doctors to us regularly so we do not have to make the trip so often with so many kids. And, the kids are just not sick as often. There is also a whole new building on campus! The Maroon House was built last year to house teams of volunteers that come to BG. This building is beautiful! The most enjoyable change is all of the new children. Though I am not happy to see more faces of children who have either lost their parents or have parents who did not want them, it is good to see that many of the kids that were here last time I was here are gone. They have either been reunited with their family or been adopted, and that is exciting.

Amidst all this change, there is still some things that have been consistent. The staff are mostly all the same and welcomed me so sweetly. When I walked into my assigned baby house, my house mother screamed and hugged me for a good 3 minutes. She does not speak very much English, but she kept saying, "I missed you, ausi! The children missed you, ausi!" The Geurink family, the orphanage directors, are still here and doing incredible work. There are about 7-8 kids that I remember from my last trip. One boy from my house was a baby last time when I left and now he is the one who runs the house and helps with the younger kids! Another girl in my house was one that I spent a lot of time with to try to teach her to walk. She walks now AND goes to school! SOOOO cool and encouraging to see these kids grow up and develop! Last, the Lord is still here and still working so evidently in and through the staff, volunteers, community members, and other missionaries. Even after my first night of being here, I was so humbled and overwhelmed by how my brothers and sisters are trusting the Lord and making HIS name known all around Lesotho.

Things to Pray For:
-My housing situation. I am living with a friend, who is a local, and another volunteer off campus and we may need to move at the end of the month due to circumstances out of our control.
-2 teams coming. Over the next 3-4 weeks we will have two High School teams coming. Pray that they are able to learn from their experience and grow in their knowledge and understanding of the Lord
-Patience....I have 6 wonderful, beautiful, yet mischievous, little boys in my house. Some days, my patience runs thin. I have already had a few "Come to Jesus" moments with a few in particular.
-That I would be able to in some small way show the love of our Heavenly Father to the people I encounter.

Thank you for your prayers and support!

peace and blessings,

Ausi(Miss) Paige

Arrival

Lumela!

I have arrived! Wednesday I arrived safely to Beautiful Gate and was warmly greeted by the Geurink family (the orphanage directors), the staff, the children, and my fellow volunteers. It feels so good to be back! In some ways it feels like I never left and in other ways it feels like I have been gone forever.

All of my flights went very smooth. Thank you to everyone who prayed for me! I am so blessed to have such a consistent and prayerful support system. I will post a  more detailed update later in the week. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am here and I am doing well, though I am still recovering from some jet lag. :)

peace and blessings,

Ausi Paige

3 months later UPDATE!

Where to start??
I just read my last two blogs posts which I regret because I am now sitting here blubbering and sniffling like a fool. Man, I miss BG. Its been a long, slow process of working through all the emotions of being back in the US. I guess I will just start from the beginning of when I got home and show what my last 3 months have been like. I will warn you this post might be a little random and all over the place.

I got home a day later than planned with my dad because we got stuck in DC in a snow storm. Thankfully, my dad is super smart and figured out the train would get us home faster than the next flight out would. Sooooo through a series of stressful and "are you kidding me?" type events, we made it home! My sister from college came home and my siblings skipped school to wait for me. So sweet! Though I was sad I wasn't going to be able to see everyone in the airport, looking back I realize now that it was a blessing. I was able to spend some quality time with my family and catch up with them before I saw everyone else.

The first couple weeks were like a dream. I don't really remember much of it. I will say that the first couple weeks I pretty much blocked out thinking about Lesotho, BG, or even the kids. My heart would just ache every time I was reminded of them for even a second, so my instinct was to block it out all together. I knew I would eventually have to go through pictures and talk about my experience because I had multiple presentations coming up. Going through my pictures and journals was a very emotional experience that I just had to buckle down and get over with. It was just pained me so greatly to have to look at 2D pictures of children that I loved so much and were a part of my life for so long and knowing I probably won't see a lot of them again. I can't explain it, it just hurt. I grew a lot through that process. I learned to take time out to pray for the kids instead of feeling sad that they are no longer a part of my life.

 As all this was happening I was trying to figure out my place at home again. When I was in Lesotho, I felt like I was taking great strides towards becoming the woman God created me to be, and I was so excited about it. Then, when I got home I felt like I quickly jumped back into my old self because it seemed everyone expected me to be my old self. It was confusing because on the inside I didn't feel like my old self. I kind of felt trapped. Does that make any sense at all??? Probably not, oh well. Bear with me.

.At the beginning of April I started a  new job at an assisted living nursing home.  My mom also works there. I absolutely love my job and I am so thankful for it. I love getting to know the residents and being able to help them. On days where I am missing Lesotho and kind of down, it is so great to be able to go to a Christian workplace where the residents can always make me smile.

I am also getting really excited to start at Moody this fall. As I talk to more people about it and learn more about my major, I am so sure that this is where the Lord wants me this fall. I am excited to be in the city and excited to see what God has in store for me there.

I don't feel like I have fully transitioned from being in Lesotho. It is just a long process. There are some really great days where I am confident that I am doing what God wants me to be doing. There are other days where I am looking up plane tickets to go back to Lesotho. I also realized I don't talk about my experiences a lot. When I do share a funny story or an experience I am always a bit bummed when I finish, because no matter how good of a story teller I try to be, its nothing like actually being there and experiencing it for yourself. I am also very protective of certain memories and experiences. There are many things that I don't like to just tell any person because they were so life changing and precious to me and I feel like most people wouldn't understand it. Maybe that is wrong of me for thinking that. Maybe someday I will feel comfortable sharing more.

The biggest thing I have been praying about lately is figuring out a balance of remembering and learning from the past while I focus on today and prepare for the future. If any of ya'll have some wisdom for me, I would love to hear it. :)

Well I could go on forever about the highs and lows of the past 3 months but that would get long. I am going to try to update maybe once more time before I leave for Moody and then maybe I will get on a monthly or bi-monthly schedule at Moody.

PEACE AND LOVE BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
OUR SAVIOR LIVES!!

I'm coming home.

Well here I am. Sitting in the Johannasburg airport waiting for my next flight. So many emotions and so many thoughts running through my head right now. Only a couple hours ago I said goodbye to my Lesotho family. And tomorrow I will get to see my family and friends after 8 months of being away. Flying out of Lesotho I kept thinking to myself, "I just don't know how this could be goodbye." A "see ya later" I can deal with. Its the goodbyes that stink. Its the "I don't know when I am coming back" that kills me. So for this final Lesotho blog post I am going to write a few letters to help me say goodbye.

Dear Lesotho, You are the most beautiful country I have ever seen. I love how so much of your land is untouched and untouristed (is that a word? ehhh we will go with it). Though you are small your culture is so rich. Your people are hospitable and always so joyful. Though your random speed bumps can be rather annoying and most of your people are crazy drivers, you always have an adventure in store. Thank you for welcoming me with open arms. I can't wait for the next time I get to walk on your soil. Kealeboha!  -Ausi Paige

Dear Beautiful Gate children, Seeing your reaction when you were told I was leaving today ripped me heart to shreds. Its  a good thing my dad was here to drag me out because I would've done anything to spend just a few more days playing, singing, and laughing with you. Thank you for keeping me young and teaching me to find joy in the tiny things. I will miss being called "Ausi Paige." I will miss walking into my house every morning and being smothered my your hugs. I will miss walking some of you to school and trying my best to stop you from eating the cat food. I will miss your beautiful faces. Keep singing and praising our Lord!   -Ausi Paige

Dear Geurink family, The things I see you doing for Beautiful Gate blow me away. You are so passionate about the work you are doing that which is contagious to us, volunteers. Thank you for making me your adoptive daughter/sister. I will miss Chuck nights, Carmel popcorn, Euchre, Redneck life, driving on closed roads (maybe), going to church with you, ball tag, and Anita's cole slaw.....but mostly just Anita's Cole slaw. :) haha. I pray that the Lord continues to work through you and gives you the patience and strength you need to finish your work there. I look forward to seeing you this summer!   -Ausi Paige

Dear current and former housemates, Thanks for putting up with this emotional 18 year old. I enjoyed your company and your encouragement. Even though at times we struggled with the shower or struggled to fit all of our food in fridge, we always seemed to make a good time out of it. I pray that wherever you are or end up the Lord blesses you and you would never forget Lesostho.   -Ausi Paige

Dear Beautiful Gate staff, You amaze me. Everyday I couldn't help but smile when I heard you singing around the houses and interacting with the kids. The Lord has blessed BG with so many people who are very passionate about their work. You have taught me many things, like how to take care of 60 kids, how to rejoice in every situation, and you even taught me some Basotho songs and dances. You became my family or the 8 months. It was so hard to say goodbye to you, but I know I will be back. Keep up the amazing work and you will forever be in my prayers. God bless you!   -Ausi Paige

Dear cats of Beautiful Gate, I never actually learned how to tell you all apart. I am home with my dog now and I think I almost prefer her over you 4. No offense. It would be great if you could stop climbing through windows and eating people's freshly made food because that is just rude. Take care of Faith and Mercy for me :)  -Ausi Paige

Dear Appletiser, WHY AREN'T YOU IN AMERICA? I AM GOING THROUGH WITHDRAW!   -Ausi Paige

Dear Terp, Keep it trill. You can do it. Its not impossible, you just need to stay focused.   -Ausi Paige

Dear Readers, Thank you for taking this journey with me. Your kind words and e-mails encouraged me so much. If I ever go back to BG I will keep posting on this same blog. I am also going to try to post once in a while even after I am back just to keep everyone updated of what the Lord is doing in my life and such. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!    -Ausi Paige

Dear God, Let YOUR name be praised! In my going and now my coming home. Let people see YOUR power and YOUR love as I share stories and experiences. You deserve every ounce of the glory and I ask you would help me stay humble and give all the glory to you. God, I get weak when think about all the amazing people you let me meet and all the amazing experiences you let me have. I am so unworthy. But I am thankful. Use me here, Lord. Give me the words to speak that would put a smile on your face. Your daughter loves you and trusts you. Thank you, Jesus.   -Ausi Paige

this day.

This day. No words to express its full beauty, but I will try to give you a little glimpse.

It started in a sunflower field. Literally. Prancing and dancing and snapping photos through a sunflower field on the side of the road in South Africa. Goofing around with the Geurink kids and trying to find THE perfect sunflower. I decided when I go home I am just going to dig up my whole backyard and fill it with sunflowers. I am sure the rents will be all for that. :)

Only a few minutes later I was sipping a cold homemade berry juice. A cool breeze on my arms and two women I love sitting on either side of me. Chatting, sipping, laughing. A final Living Life trip that was absolutely perfect.

Back at Beautiful Gate we had a goodbye ceremony for, my friend, Jenny. 5 times she has been to Lesotho now. I hope to be able say the same thing one day. Tears shed, scripture read, and cake was fed. Not looking forward to saying goodbye to my English friend tomorrow, but also happy to know she will be back.

After the ceremony we find out there is a police officer in the office. This officer fetched a child out of a latrine and brought her to Beautiful Gate. He happened to remember it was her birthday today. Him and his wife brought her 2 dresses and a doll as a gift. You would have thought it was their own child. "She is getting so big and she looks so healthy, she must be getting enough food", says the man with a smile on his face. Its the best feeling in the world knowing our children are loved and not just by our staff and volunteers.

Fools. Us Americans, made ourselves look like fools. Bryan realized he had Jenny's camera and we couldn't resist leaving a few surprise photos for her. Running around campus, seeing how many strange faces we can make, and laughing like there is no tomorrow. Seeing Jenny's reaction later that night was priceless.

(why do I make faces like this???)

Throwing kids around during play group. That always seems to be a highlight. Hearing the kids yell, "Ausi Paige!!" as they run up to greet me. Its not a normal afternoon at play group unless I have at least 5 kids crawling all over me. One is doing my hair, one is pinching my nose, one is showing me a trick, another just wants a cuddle. And I just love it.

Healing rain. The sun was still out yet the rain was pouring. Giving us a much needed chill after an extremely hot day. Dancing (literally) through the rain like its been years since the last down pour. Some BG kids join the fun and we even drag a house mother out too. Running, laughing, and screaming with the kids. Those moments were priceless. It was one of those times where I just wanted to freeze time.

"Holy Uncreated One..." A time of worship with the guitar and my gifted roomie, Terp. Watching the sunset, praising our Lord. He is the one who brought us all together. He is the one who brought us here.

Thank you Jesus for this unforgettable day.

peace and love.

you give and take away.

As I see the three caskets lowered into the ground there is one thing running through my head.....These caskets are too small. As I watch the Bo'Ntate bury the caskets I lift my eyes to the sky and thank Jesus for preparing a place for them with Him in heaven. The ceremony was beautiful. The hundreds of birds flying overhead were majestic. And, the Lord was present. There are not many more words to describe this morning.

After a morning of tears, we were able to rejoice when 2 new children were brought to BG. Seeing the house mothers meeting the new children for the first time is priceless. Its like they are seeing their own child that they haven't seen in a long time.

"You give and take away, you give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name!"

just a quick thought for now.

peace and love.

thank you Jesus!

Here are a few events of the past week:

-Celebrating Faith's birthday at Templhof with lion cubs

-Riding in the back of a truck with 3 dead pigs

-My parents meeting "my boy" via skype 

-3 hospital runs

I guess I don't really feel like expanding on any of those things so I will just share with you what has been on my heart. 

Thankfulness.

My heart is overflowing with thankfulness. I am so incredibly thankful for this amazing opportunity. I am thankful for Beautiful Gate and the passion of the people here. I am thankful for the house mothers and how they have become like my own mothers. I am thankful for all the other volunteers that I have been able to meet. I am thankful for every single one of the kids here and all of their adorable little personalities. I am thankful for all the adoptive parents I have had the privilege of meeting. I am thankful for the joy of the Lord that is contagious on this campus.

 Sometimes I think....why me? There are so many more people that I know that would be better at this kind of thing. I guess I just feel unworthy sometimes. Going through all my pictures and seeing all the amazing experiences I have had is overwhelming. I have had the chance to do things many people won't ever get the chance to do. I have had the chance to meet people that have changed my life. When I think about that, I come back to thankfulness. The Lord deserves all the praise and the glory! Here is a verse that I have fallen in love with recently:

"Therefore since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire.""

-Hebrews 12:28-29

I just realized I never told you guys something. My dad is coming to visit me! I know, I am super excited. He is doing in work trip in South Africa for a week and then he is coming to visit me for a few days. He is arriving here on March 1 and we will fly home together on the 5th. I am so excited to be able to show someone I love Beautiful Gate and be able to get a glimpse into what my life was like for the past 8 months. Please keep him in your prayers as it will be his first time in Africa and first time driving on the wrong side of the road. 

Here are a few pictures from the week:

sweeeeeet. the car doesn't feel like working today

look a tortoise!

me and my roomie.....and a lion

my house mother

Mercy! Watch out for that cactus! 

going for a hike

riding in the back of the truck with 3 dead pigs

hey terp!

Jenny sitting on the pigs

yum

its like they knew it was Valentines Day!

Jenny and I

peace and love.

watch this!

Here is a link to a video of me and Terp teaching our staff the "tap the cup" trick. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRT3hPIVe4c

take time to be holy.

Okay blog, I have a confession. I have been avoiding you. It has been a very tough week at BG and if you follow any of the other BG volunteer's blogs you probably already know the whole situation. I am not quite sure what to say about the whole thing so bear with me through this blog post.  Soooo, I guess I will start with the facts. 3 Beautiful Gate children went to be with Jesus between Friday and Monday. They were all under a year old and they all passed for different reasons. I have only been to 2 funerals before that I remember and they were both when I was very young. So, it has been a while since I have had someone close to me pass away. It took a couple days for it all to sink in for me, but going in the houses this week and not seeing their faces makes it all too real. It is also strange to think that the last death BG had was in the middle of 2011 and now all of the sudden there is 3 in a row. The staff are hurting, but it is encouraging to still see the smiles on their faces through everything. The Lord is still good and it is in HIM that we place our trust. On Saturday morning, the day after the first child passed away, a few of us volunteers went to the hospital to visit the 3 children in the hospital. We were going to encourage our staff there and to pray over the kids. That morning I woke up that morning really struggling emotionally with everything that was going on while also being anxious about going home in a month. As we were walking through the halls of the hospital we were stopped by a man behind us who asked us why we were at the hospital and if we were Christians. We told him we were Christians and we were visiting a few of the orphans from Beautiful Gate. He all the sudden said, "Oh, you are doing such good things, let us sing a song for you!" He then picked a song and turn to his daughter to give her the starting pitch. They sang the song in perfect harmony and it brought me to tears. Here is the song they sang to us:

Take time to be holy, speak oft with thy Lord;

Abide in Him always, and feed on His Word.

Make friends of God’s children, help those who are weak,

Forgetting in nothing His blessing to seek.

Take time to be holy, the world rushes on;

Spend much time in secret, with Jesus alone.

By looking to Jesus, like Him thou shalt be;

Thy friends in thy conduct His likeness shall see.

I walked away from that moment in awe of the Lord's presence in such an unlikely place. I kept thinking to myself, "God knows, God knew I needed that encouragement this morning." My attitude and feelings towards that day completely changed. Instead of having a mind full of anxieties and doubts, my mind sang, "Thank You Jesus, Thank You Jesus!"

"But I will sing about Your strength.

In the morning I will sing about Your love.

You are my defender, my place of safety in times of trouble"

-Psalm 59:16

I am filled with so many emotions going into my last month at BG. I am thankful that the Lord called me here and I got to meet so many amazing people and children. I am curious to see what the future holds. I am sad that I have to say goodbye to my children and friends. I am excited to see my family again. I am missing the children that recently went to be with Jesus. I am hopeful that I would be able to return to BG one day.

Please keep BG in your prayers as we have the funerals next week for the children who passed away. Thank you so much!

peace and love.

tearful goodbyes& visiting friends

HI. How are ya'll surviving the cold? Its very very warm here so for those of you who would rather escape the cold, feel free to come visit me! haha :)

Friday was not such a fun day for me. It actually wasn't a fun day for many people on campus. On Friday, one of the older boys went home to live with his aunt and uncle in the mountains. Though reunifications can often be wonderful things, I didn't really enjoy this one as much. This boy had been at Beautiful Gate for 3 years. I am not sure how much of his story I am allowed to share but I will just say that through the whole process his uncle and aunt gave us many reasons to think going home was not the best option for the boy. On Thursday I overheard the boy saying, "I want to go to Canada." At that point he knew he was going home the next day desperately wanted to go to Canada where many of his friends have been adopted to. It broke my heart to hear him say that. All day Friday he was all around campus helping the staff, walking his "siblings" to and from school and just being plain silly. When the time came to go to the office to meet his parents he seemed to be doing pretty well with all of it. We all gathered in the office to say a prayer over his before he left. I watched him during the prayer and he seemed to just be taking it all in. He wasn't sure what was going on and he wasn't sure what to think of it all. After the "amen" was said the staff and volunteers started saying their goodbyes. As Anita came up and gave him a hug you could start to see the tears roll down his face. And as I saw the tears roll down his face it took every ounce of my being to hold it together. I knew if I went up to him to say goodbye I would lose it, so I waited. Finally, his aunt and uncle started to walk him out the door and I came up behind him and gave him a quick hug and whispered, "I love you and God loves you more" in his ear. He looked up at me and all I saw in his eyes was fear. That look of fear is one I will never forget. I quickly looked away as I started to feel the tears roll down my own face. I didn't want him to see me cry. All the way back to my house I just cried. I was angry there was nothing we could do to help him. I was angry at his aunt and uncle. I was angry he couldn't be adopted like all of his friends. As I spent most of the rest of the day praying for him, I felt a sense of peace come over me. The Lord reminded me that even though the boy was out of my hands he was never out of God's hands. And though I may never see him again the Lord will be walking beside him every day of his life. Our God is a good God and I know he will be faithful. Please pray for this boy as he adjusts to his new home in the mountains.

On Saturday, my friend, Thato, took me to her house to show me the thrift store she is starting. Thato is a volunteer at BG and she helps with fund raising. When she told me about the store she was starting I was SOO excited because if you know me, you know I am a bit of a thrift store addict. That day she picked me up from BG and we took a few taxis to her house which is outside of town. Her village was very nice and the view from her house was amazing! That is one thing I love about Lesotho: wherever you go there is always a beautiful view. Right away she walked me up to the building that her family had purchased for Thato to start her thrift store. There was not anything in it yet because they still had some painting to do, but it was a really good sized space. We spent some time there fooling around and imagining what it will be like when it is done. On the walk back to her house I got talking to Thato's sister who I found really enjoys baking things and wants to open her own bakery one day. When we got back to their house she showed me a folder she had filled with recipes and ideas cut out from magazines. I loved how both Thato and her sister had a dream and their parents pushed them and helped them to make those dreams come true. That is a rare thing in a country like Lesotho. For the rest of the afternoon Thato's family and I just sat on the lawn and talked and laughed and educated each other about our own cultures. They fed me some traditional food which was actually pretty good! After a couple hours of talking Thato's mom went inside and when she returned she had a beautiful Basotho dress in her arms. When she came over and said it was for me I was in shock. This woman hardly knew me and she wanted to give me this beautiful dress that probably was expensive to make. I tried it on and it fit perfectly. They braided my hair a little and before ya knew it, I looked Basotho. That afternoon was perfect. Even though we were from different sides of the world and grew up in different cultures, we still had so much fun talking and laughing together. Their whole family drove me home and as I was sitting in the bed of the truck dancing and laughing with my new friends, I just took a moment to praise and thank the Father for bringing me to Lesotho.

"I will give thanks to the Lord because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the Lord Most high!"  -Psalm 7:17

Thato's sister, me, Thato

Welcome to my Thrift Store!

vicky the kitty

FOODFOODFOOD

a "Lesotho Smoothie"

my new dress!

Thato being a model :)

more cool people

peace and love. 

proud mama.

I know I just posted yesterday but today was just too good not to blog about!

Today was probably one of the best days of my life. When I walked into my house this morning and saw my little boy, I am pretty sure I screamed and started dancing around the room like a fool. I did this because my boy was wearing a school uniform! He started school today!!!!! This is the boy that is 6 years old but looks like a 3 year because he was so malnourished. When I got here in July he couldn't walk and he hardly talked. I have been working with him A LOT and he has kind of become my favorite. I know, I know, I have favorites...I am a terrible person. Anyway, he now walks, feeds himself, laughs, and is talking more and more. Seeing him in that uniform today was the most rewarding thing ever. I felt like a proud mama. He was so excited to show me his fancy striped tie that he nearly tripped over and his shiny new shoes. As I helped him put his back pack on and tighten the straps he was all smiles. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and waved goodbye. As I watched him walk to school I was nearly in tears and I just wanted to shout at the top of my lungs, "SEE HOW THE LORD IS HEALING THIS BEAUTIFUL BOY! WE SERVE A GOOD, GOOD GOD!"

that's all I got for today. 

remember all the things the Lord has done in your life and take time to thank him and praise him for those things. 

peace and love. 

names, vacation, and college!

I am back! And I am sorry for the lack of blogging. BUT, I promise to make it up to you with a nice blog post today with some pretty rad pictures. :)

Since I usually write my blog posts in chronological order, I will start by telling you about last week Friday. I GOT MY SESOTHO NAME! Pretty exciting stuff. The Beautiful Gate staff always gives the long term volunteers a Sotho name that fits their personality. My house mother had been telling me for a while that she was thinking of one for me. I patiently waited for 6 months for her to tell me my Sotho name. Finally, that week after the Azusa Pacific team left and they all got Sotho names after being here for 3 weeks I decided to ask my house mom if she had come up with one yet. On Friday night when I asked her about she laughed out loud and put her hand to her face. She says, "Oh Ausi Paige! Did I forget to tell you? You are Ausi Ntabeleng!" We had a good laugh over the fact that she forgot to tell me my own name. Ntabeleng means "we are happy" in Sesotho. I couldn't be happier with it and I am glad that when she thought of me she thought of happiness. Feel free to call me Ausi Ntabeleng if you can figure out how to pronounce it :) haha

VAY-CAY BABY! Saturday morning the Geurink family, Kristen (the other long term volunteer), Kim (our friend that is a missionary with MAF), and I left for a little vacation. I will admit I feel guilty for being away for Beautiful Gate for more than a couple days since that is the reason I am here. I have learned though that sometimes you need a break, and you need time to step back from the work you are doing to reflect, spend some time in prayer, and give the Lord an opportunity to speak to you. The travelling didn't start out too well for me when I got sick about 10 minutes into a 10 hour car ride. Nice. I was really close to just asking them to drop me off on the side of the road so I could catch a ride in a taxi back to Beautiful Gate. Thankfully, I stuck it out and words could not describe how thrilled I was to jump in my bed when we got to our hotel in Port Elizabeth (that's like on the South Eastern coast of South Africa). While everyone went out for dinner that night, I took advantage of the free Wifi and watched all of Holland Christian's Spanish lipdubs. Shout-out to everyone in those videos! They were pretty rad and they brought me a lot of joy on a night that I was not doing too well. After that I skyped home for a few minutes. I love that I can always count on my family to give me a few words of encouragement  They are great. After spending some time in the word that night I hit the hay early. We spent the next day at the beautiful beach and the day after that at Addo Elephant park where we saw LOTS of elephants. See pictures below :) We then drove West to Knysna where we stayed for the rest of the week. While we were there, we did rad things like hold snakes, walk with elephants, swim with seals, and thrift store shop. Yes, that is right THRIFT STORES!! If you know me, you know thrifting is a hobby of mine and I must say that I have missed it. I loved having an afternoon to myself to walk around town and do a little shopping without having to worry about it being unsafe. I met so many cool people in the stores downtown too! The elephant experience was amazing. I was shocked at how well trained these huge creatures were. We got to walk with them, feed them, and brush them. It was one of those once in a lifetime experiences. Swimming with the seals was also like that. We got all suited up in our wet suits  goggles, and flippers and took a small boat out in the ocean to where the seals were. There were hundreds of them! We were told not to put our hand out and touch them but to just stay still and then they would often come to us and touch their nose to our goggles. The craziest part was thinking, "these are wild animals, not trained seals that you find at sea world!" On the boat ride back to shore we stopped a little ways away from shore and our guide turned to us and said in her Afrikaans accent, "Okay now you are going to want to hold on really tight because we will pick up speed quite a bit and when we get on shore there will be a sudden stop and then the boat will tip to one side and then you can get out." At first we laughed a bit because we didn't think she was serious, but when she sat down and the boat started zooming right towards shore we were wondering what we got ourselves into. The whole time I was thinking, "I can't even imagine people getting their boats ashore this way in Michigan!" In the end we made it on shore safely and that will be a boat ride I will never forget. All in all, it was a pretty sweet vacation and it was so nice to have some time alone with the Lord too. I am very much looking forward to seeing my kids again tomorrow and getting back into the swing of things. CRAZY to think I have less than 2 months left! Looking forward to seeing everyone again but I am going to miss this place.

Soooooo guess who got accepted to the one college she applied to? THIS GIRL! I came home from vacation to find an e-mail from my dad with my acceptance letter attached. I got accepted to Moody Bible Institute in Chicago which is where both of my older siblings currently attend. I was kind of shocked I got in, honestly. Moody is such an amazing school that is kind of hard to get into. I am so honored they want me to come to their school! It is also strange now having a plan for my life. For the past year I knew the Lord wanted me in Africa for a time and that was the extent of my life plans. It was fun thinking about all the possibilities and opportunities out there I could be a part of. Now that I know I am passionate about missions, I am excited to study and prepare myself to hopefully go into the mission field. My room mate was so sweet and made brownies to celebrate, and her and Bryan and Anita all gave me advice and told me stories about their college experiences. It was a really good way to end my week off.

NOW FOR THE PICTURES:

I think they are out of order, but oh well.

PORT ELIZABETH

Addo Elephant park

NIEKERK....HOLLA :)

me and Ola bonding

Addo

Addo

hanging out with these crazy people

so close!

lemurs 

PILLOW FIGHT!

going for a walk.

love signs like this :)

peace and love.